a prayer

saturday 1 am Jerusalem

tonight at the hostel a jewish british student, doing his masters from a parisian university and living now in jerusalem for the past two months, asked me why Hajj was such a transformative experience for me. whether there was any moment in particular that caused the change.

we were interrupted in our conversation by the man who cleans the common areas of the hostel, but it remains a good question.

certainly i think that, alhamdolillah, there were special moments before, during, and after Hajj. and i think i would say that Allah subhanahu wata ala could have wrought the same changes in me by any means. but Hajj figures prominently in the path He chose for me.

in the years before Hajj, Allah subhanahu wata ala permitted me to live a life in which i grew in arrogance and disobedience. my faith ebbed at times and swelled at others, but i was generaly on a path of disobedience.

then Allah subhanahu wata ala gave the slightest touch and like a house of cards my life began to crash about me in a matter of weeks or days.

i recognized that i had sinned, but when i repented to Allah, i had so little knowledge that i had to pray for guidance: "O Allah guide me, please, for i do not even know what words to call You by. i do not know how to seek Your Forgiveness, only that i cannot survive without Your Mercy."

and i remembered that Hajj was a means of expiation, so i resolved to go if i could, and i prayed to Allah to make it possible for me.

the next few months were generally very difficult for me. i started attending a congregation near my home. they were nice people, but they were not on the sunnah, and i learned only after Hajj how misguided they were.

i read a popular translation of the Quran, and discovered after Hajj that the translator was heavily influenced by western philosophy, and that his translation had many defects as a result. for example, he denied or sought to explain "plausibly" the many miracles mentioned in the Quran.

but Allah subhanahu wata ala made it easy for me to take those small steps, alhamdolillah, and in a matter of months He provided for me the means to go for Hajj when i had not had the power to provide for myself.

the Hajj i had had in mind would have been very different from what Allah blessed me with, alhamdolillah. He caused me to give the news of my Hajj intention to my parents before anyone else. the tawfiq (providence) of it was that my parents immediately said they would accompany me. rather than subject them to what i had planned for my hajj of atonement, i let them make all the arrangements.

and the group of people they chose was a wonderful group of practicing and knowledgable Muslims. i could write a whole series of posts about my experiences with them, alhamdolillah.

by the time i woke up in the valley of Muzdalifa on the day after Arafat, on Eid ul Adha, i wanted something i had never really wanted before in my whole life: to be close to Muslims and to grow in my love for Muslims, so that on the Day of Resurrection, i would be among Muslims.

sitting in my hotel room in Makkah a few days after the Hajj rites had been completed, i realized that the forgiveness of all my past sins, alhamdolillah, was a gift like no other.

and yet if i were to return to my life without making changes, then i would likely accumulate a great many more sins because life in the west is full of minor and major sins. and i had not accumulated much knowledge on which to base a virtuous life.

so you could say that that was the point at which i resolved to make whatever changes were necessary in my life such that i would abstain from what displeases Allah and would strive for what pleases Him.

and the year and a half, alhamdolillah, since Hajj has been a continuous process of (1) learning more knowledge and (2) making changes (some more drastic than others).

at first the changes were dramatic enough that i felt sure i had made enormous progress. but every time i would gain a little more knowledge or insight, and often both, and come to the realization that i faced another big step.

during this Umrah, in particular, i have resolved to improve my character and manners, my akhlaque. i have been studying a dua from Fortress of the Muslim since I read it in Makkah. on friday i had the tawfiq to read a surah which contains much of the same language.

i was so moved that i snapped pictures of both pages from the mushaf. the gist of the verses is "i turn my face to the One Who created the heavens and the earth, faithful to Him, I am not among those who take partners with Him. my prayers, my devotion, my life, and my death, are all for Allah, Sustainer of all creation."

alhamdolillah, the full dua from hadith continues in Fortress to include a prayer for being guided to good character because no one guides to good character except Allah. i pray that He will accept my good deeds, and forgive me my mistakes and sins -- the ones that i know, and the ones i do not perceive. only He can guide a person to the best character, and i pray that He will guide you and me both, inshaAllah.

alhamdolillah

friday 10:55 pm Jerusalem

no matter what anyone may tell you, peace
can be found in this city, alhamdolillah.

i pray, inshaAllah, that peace will come to
govern her, and that peace will be the
entitlement of its residents.

and the best peace of all is Islam, alhamdolillah.

Videos from just after Salat ul Jumaa

Each video is 10 seconds long.

the gate of the cotton merchants

friday 3:30 pm Jerusalem

alhamdolillah, i prayed jumaa today in Masjid al Aqsa. the Masjid was packed by 11:30, and there were crowds outside, alhamdolillah.

many places were closed today, but definitely not shops, restaurants, nor street vendors.

this picture was just on the other side of the gate of the cotton merchants, one of the many gates leading into Masjid al Aqsa.

alhamdolillah, all the structures, courtyards and lawns, inside the gates are part of the Masjid. a separate gate leads to the street where bathrooms can be found. wudu areas abound in the Masjid area. and there are many beautiful trees inside, alhamdolillah.

alhamdolillah, i have met people who are so fortunate that they live next to the Masjid with windows that open on the courtyard. what a blessing for them and for their families.

inshaAllah, i will return to jordan on sunday afternoon or evening.

the last gate

thursday 6:30 pm Jerusalem

the last gate in your life and mine through which
each of us must pass, the gates of the graveyard.
for the Muslim whose janazah was today at
Masjid al Aqsa, this was the gate of the old city
through which the body was brought. the
graveyard was just outside.

the Baqqi graveyard in Madinah was the most
traditional, graves dug into the ground. the
graveyard i went to in Makkah had graves under
ground level but with walls "built" of brick. dirt
was placed atop the grave, but it was just a
surface layer.

here, the graveyard was on a hillside, and the
graves appeared to be inside simple tombs. no
dirt covered them, but cement. the body was
passed into the tomb from a hole in the side.
then the hole was paved over with stone and
mortar, alhamdolillah.

the Prophet sull Allaho alayhi wa sallam
encouraged Muslims to visit graveyards, and
accompanying bodies to burial is a communal
responsibility with enormous reward. one of the
benefits is that we are reminded of the finality
of death as a seal for our deeds in this life -- we
will all be resurrected on the Day of Judgement.
and on that Day, none of us will be able to
return here to add to the ledger of our good or
to atone for the wrongs we had done.

so prepare well for a last gate awaits us all.

Morning

out for a walk

wednesday 11:30 pm Jerusalem

today i walked through part of the arab quarter of jerusalem, just
outside the old city, in search of a dry cleaner. i eventually found
one -- no low prices: 25NIS (about $6US) for laundry of one thawb,
alhamdolillah.

but it was nice to walk down salah-ud-deen street. i also had some
awesome falafel, and i might have found arestaurant that serves
"fatah." if i find that delicious soupy mash, i will definitely post a
pic, inshaAllah.

i also found a muslim cemetary.

but i spent most of my time in the library and prayer hall of al Aqsa.
the location of the library is at the front of the old hall of the
masjid where the Prophet sull Allaho alayhi wa sallam led all the
prophets (may peace be upon them) in salat.

that is appropriate because scholars are the inheritors of the
prophets, may Allah be pleased with them. for someone with as little
knowledge as i have, and as much of a craving for it, places like this
library are beautiful gardens.

from al Aqsa and a short distance outside

A dream while sleeping in al Aqsa

wednesday 7:45 am Jerusalem

yesterday i fell asleep in Masjid al Aqsa about an hour after

Asr. alhamdolillah, i had a beautiful dream and at the end of
the dream, i remember vividly that i was leaving a hall (maybe
the Masjid).

as i reached the door, there was a loud knocking. i opened the
door, and alhamdolillah, an older relative was standing there.
he had a stroke a few years ago, and has not fully recovered.
i met him while i was in pakistan, and i love his company.
alhamdolillah, he was completely well and vigorous, though,
in my dream.

he came right in and gave me a big hug saying, something like
"oh, Tariq, alhamdolillah, now i am here and you are both here
with me." i could see someone with him, and felt it must be
his son, who is about my age. but i did not clearly see his face.

the older man kissed me on my cheeks, and i really felt
something there because it was so vivid it woke me up.

alhamdolillah, i rarely have such vivid dreams, and the sharing
of good dreams is a sunnah. so i am glad to share this one.

the picture is of a large stained glass window, alhamdolillah,
at Masjid al Aqsa, one of the most beautiful Masajid i
have ever seen.

the way you cross

wednesday 5:10 am Jerusalem

may Allah subhanahu wata bless Palestine. may He bless her, and all the Muslims who live inside Palestine. may He increase them in numbers, in strength, in patience, and in deen. may He accept their good deeds and be their Guide and Protector.

about 36 hours ago, i was still at an israeli border crossing -- at what they call the Allenby Bridge.

about an hour after the israelis took Abdur Rahman, at about 2:30 pm, i saw one of the plain clothes agents carrying my passport. i recognized it by the stickers put on the back cover by various travel agencies.

so i walked up to him and identified myself as the owner of the passport. he asked me to wait on the side. he went to get the owner of the other passport he was carrying.

when he found him, he token both of us past the immigration counters and up to a door that had a keypad entry. it was a heavy metal door and it clanged shut after letting us into a hallway.

the hallway ran parallel to the outer hall, and five doors in all opened into it, including ours. it had several benches, prints of Jerusalem, plants, and at least two security cameras.

i was told to sit outside with two other people who were waiting (one with his two small children). and the other man was taken inside what i would learn was a set of interrogation rooms through another heavy keypad entry door.

israelis, usually in plainclothes, rarely with weapons, would come often through some door on their way to another door. only one door marked no entry was never opened.

i waited for a few hours in the same spot. many Palestinians were brought through the hallway. most had long waits, but all went through the interrogation door(s) and then the exits before i was ever asked a single question.

when i needed to go to the bathroom, i asked for permission. this was around 4 or 4:30 pm. the person i asked said okay, and brought me inside the interrogation door.

the officer who had brought me to the hallway was there. he spoke to me only in arabic, though i told him i only spoke english. at the very end, when i was finally permitted entry, he spoke to me only in perfect english.

in arabic, i was asked to empty all of my pockets. the officer who said i could go to the bathroom translated. then i was asked to remove my thawb (the long ankle-length shirt/robe commonly worn by arabs).

then i was patted down by the english-speaking guard, who had put on plastic gloves. i still thought i was being taken to the restroom.

then a metal detector was passed over my body. i was asked to hold the thawb in front of me. it was also scanned while i held it.

then i was told to put it back on.

(before removing the thawb) i was asked to remove all of my money and credit cards from my belongings.

(after removing the thawb) i was asked to put all the papers from my wallet in a plastic tray. my emptied wallet, my cell phone minus its battery, and other items from my pockets were put into a small locked locker.

i was told to pick up my money and credit cards, and to follow the guard. not to the bathroom, but to an interrogation room.

it was the office of an older agent. he was seated behind a desk. he also spoke to me in arabic. he asked me questions about my appearance, the purpose of my visit, and other questions i had answered in detail the day before.

after about 10 minutes or so, he gave me back the papers from my wallets, and we stepped out of his office. he spoke to a guard in hebrew and then asked me to wait in the area where i had been searched.

then i was taken to the restroom which was outside in the main hall. after using the restroom i was brought back to the hallway with benches.

more Palestinians came and went. only one, a "full Jordanian" who was a naturalized American, was visibly shaken by the experience. most complained. all were surprised that someone who was neither Palestinian nor Arab was being interrogated.

at one point i was taken through a different door to the main hallway. here i was asked to empty my pockets, and my things were swab-tested by machine. then i was taken back to the hallway.

as time passed, i was left alone in the hall. israelis who went by ignored me when i asked about the time.

eventually i felt it must be about 6 pm or later so i finally decided to pray my combined dhuhr and asr there in the hallway rather than ask for permission to pray elsewhere. i also did not want the time to elapse.

when i was done with asr, the officer who had first brought me in, and who had always tried arabic or hebrew on me, he asked me in english if i was done and ready to leave.

he took me back to the immigration area. i was the only person there besides the cleaners and guards.

an immigration officer came and asked me if she could stamp my passport, and i asked her to stamp a separate piece of paper.

i passed through the area where my stamp was checked. i picked up my luggage -- one of a few pieces still in the waiting area. i walked through the empty customs area and was met by one of two taxi drivers -- the last taxis left. the buses had all gone.

the process was long, and it was intended to intimidate. while i was alone in the hallway, every time an agent came or went, they let the metal doors clang shut behind them. the sound was more ominous than any gate through which i passed at Lompoc Federal prison when i went to represent an inmate there before the INS during law school.

i thought of shiraz qazi, of the thousands of detained Muslims throughout the world, and of course of those held at Guantanamo and the thousands of Palestinians subjected to Israeli prisons and detention centers.

what i was put through was nothing at all before what they underwent and still undergo. i had two days taken from me. their lives are ripped from them. their families in limbo.

so whatever the intention of the israelis. everything they did galvanized my belief that they are unjust and oppressive rulers of this land. and every harshness to which i was subjected increased me in love and respect for people like Shiraz who has been dealt with unjustly.

that is why a pilgrimmage to al Quds should be done singly or at least in small groups -- large groups have a much easier time, and so they cannot fully appreciate what the israelis are doing every day to the Palestinians.

and even now i only walked the length of one border crossing in their shoes.

alhamdolillah, i had no fear and no anger in me. i gave the israelis no satisfaction in that. hasbiyAllaho wa alayhi tawakkalto. wa Howal Rabbil Arshil Adheem.

come, and come alone

wednesday 12:00 am Jerusalem

alhamdolillah, i am so glad that i came here. surely
whoever relies on Allah alone has chosen the best
Protector. and whoever believes that he can escape
the Decree of Allah has joined the ranks of the
self-deluded.

may Allah subhanahu wata ala always watch over
me, and may He guide you and I both, for Allah
subhanahu wata ala is the best Guide, and no guidance
is sound that comes from other than Allah.

i pray that this advice would please Him: if you are
Muslim, of good health, and live in a country
that has diplomatic relations with Israel -- particularly
the US -- you should come to Jerusalem, perhaps
by an route, but certainly through Amman and NOT
in a tour group.

doing so should have at least two fantastic results:

(1) you will really annoy the Israelis.

of course, Israelis do not really like Muslims, but
they tolerate the large tour groups pretty well. if you
come in a big tour group, you will not really expend
many resources of the israelis.

but every Muslim who comes singly or in very small
groups (not as families, though) provokes many
questions and investigations by the Israelis.

in small numbers, we are an amusement. they seem to
enjoy the treatment they give us. but if were many
-- if hundreds of Muslims arrived the same day from the
US and tried to cross, the Israelis would find their
resources heavily strained.

it would anoy them to no end. and that's about the only
thing you as a Muslim can do to fight the oppressive
policies of Israel. that and prayer, alhamdolillah.

(2) the second really good result is that you might
just taste the slightest bit of the hardship and
humiliation that the Palestinians endure with so much
sabr every single day of the year.

ask the tour group participants about the border
crossing, and they will probably tell you it was easy.
their impression of the Israelis will be consonant
with their experience.

that only serves to separate the hearts of the Muslims.
an observer only thinks he knows the pain of one who
does get treated badly.

i will write more about it soon, inshaAllah, but it took
two days for me to cross. alhamdolillah.

my experience was a blessing for me because it
taught me great respect and love for the Palestinians.

Pictures for those who can neither visit nor return. 7/7

Blogger would not let me post all 71 pictures at once. Set 7/7.

Pictures for those who can neither visit nor return. 6/7

Blogger would not let me post all 71 pictures at once. Set 6/7.