Waiting

tuesday 12:30 am Jeddah

ever have the feeling that your life is a constant process of growing up? my relationship to my parents gives me that feeling often.

on this occasion the growing up has involved my travel plans, and i fear that Allah subhanahu wata ala may not permit me to go to Masjid al Aqsa on this trip.

inshaAllah, He will give me the best outcome. and i still have some hope, but just about a day ago my parents again tried (for about the 20th time) to convince me not to go.

they have an extraordinary fear of Israeli viciousness towards Muslims. angrily i told them to give up trying to make me afraid.

later i apologized for the anger -- resentment carried over from years of disagreeing with them.

well, earlier today i realized that the bizarre routing and ticketing chosen by my travel agent would permit me to omit travel to Jerusalem at no additional expense (except about $1100 in ticketing i had already paid for).

and to my chagrin, i told them about that option -- even though it weakens my position and strengthens theirs (because the "change" would be easy and no extra money would be spent).

the thing is that there is no winning and losing on small things like my desire to pray at Al Aqsa. and compared to caring for one's parents, even the great barakat of my journey would be a small thing.

so i pray that i will get to have both: the ibadat and pleasing my parents. but i know that the means of such providence are quite in Allah's Hands alone.

and i hope that was a little step at least towards a relationship with my parents that is mature and not just getting older.

i still have about an hour and a half wait for my plane to board. fajr will have to be on the plane...

and for all i know, these could be my last hours in Jeddah. medical school here is far from certain.

but on the other hand, inshaAllah, i could be coming back in August to take entrance exams at a local college i visited on monday...

truly i am waiting.